Silver anniversary…already?
Tony Collins
(Gander, NF & LB)
(First published, July 30, 2000)
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Tony Collins is a resident of Gander, a columnist for the St. John's Telegram and a participant in the Cross-Province Trail Project. We are delighted to be able to offer his insightful, ironic, often satiric, engaging perspective.
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The lady in the flower store seemed quite impressed.
“Congratulations,” she said. “We don’t see too many in here like you these days. Usually they’re getting them for their second or third.”
She was referring to men, the “second or third” being their wives and what made me, if not unique, at least a little out of the ordinary was the fact that I was buying roses for my first and only wife on the occasion of our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
Without wishing to sound smug, reaching such a significant milestone is no mean feat, to which only the most compatible - or masochistic - of couples can lay claim. The majority of newly weds start off with the best of intentions and the brightest of hopes but as the years drag on and the initial fireworks fizzle out and die the partnership gradually dissolves into a sparring match, with the chief combatants hurling verbal brickbats at each other from their respective sides of the breakfast table. Then the lawyers get involved, everyone starts checking the fine print in the prenuptial contract and the only thing the two former lovebirds can agree on is their mutual loathing.
So what is the secret to a successful marriage? There’s really no single answer that applies to every case. Rather, as with any good recipe, there are a variety of ingredients which go into ensuring that the final dish turns out looking the way it does in the cook book. Patience is one that springs to mind, as does tolerance, tact, courtesy, friendship, affection and that most misused of all words, love.
Then there are the little things, the small but important acts of kindness and displays of thoughtfulness which show the other person you’re thinking of them. Like getting up at three o’clock in the morning to change the baby, helping out with the housework without being asked, putting your dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead of dumping them on the floor (“Yes, dear, I thought of that one too.”), sending flowers for no particular reason, taking your spouse out to dinner occasionally (“Yup, I’ve got that.”), doing the dishes after supper, leaving the toilet seat down (“Hang on a minute, I’m typing as fast as I can.”), bringing her breakfast in bed, scraping the ice off her car on cold winter mornings, putting out the dog, letting the dog back in (“What was that again? Oh, OK.”), sorting out the whites from the darks, painting the eaves before the neighbours start complaining and so on, and so on.
(Actually, my wife is helping me write this part...Oh good, she’s gone. Now where was I before I lost my train of thought?)
The secret to a successful marriage? Damned if I know...twenty-five years simply isn’t long enough to figure it out. In fact, after twenty-five years you’re just starting to get acquainted because up to this point, what with the pressures of kids, careers and mortgages you haven’t had the time. Young couples talk about “building a relationship” like they’re putting up a house or something but it doesn’t really work that way. Things just sort of fall into place. One day you’re walking down the aisle with your bride-to-be, your whole life ahead of you, the next you’re out buying roses for a silver anniversary and a goodly portion of that life is behind you.
Where have we been all these years? That’s what I want to know. Were we asleep? In a coma? If the next twenty-five years are going to slip by as fast as the last quarter century we’ll soon both be hobbling around in Zimmer frames still trying to comprehend the fact that we’ve been married, to each other, for so long.
But maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be, part of the price we pay for leading such comfortable, though largely uneventful lives. If life is a highway, then maybe the fewer potholes and washouts along the way, the faster the journey and the more blurred the passing scenery becomes.
As to exactly where we’re going...who knows?
But it’s fun getting there.
Current Edition:
Silver anniversary…already?
(July 15, 2004)
Previous Articles
- Disqualified
(February 3, 2003)
- Good Bosses are Born, Not Bred - Pt. I
(February 21, 2003)
- Good Bosses are Born, Not Bred - Pt. II
(March 21, 2003)
- Doing IT
(April 7, 2003)
- Completely Innocent!
(April 21, 2003)
- The Widow's Mite
(May 13, 2003)
- No Moose for Mr. Dircks
(May 27, 2003)
- Next Sunday ... the Election
(June 16, 2003)
- In Denial ... and Staying That Way
(June 30, 2003)
- Walking - and Surviving "The Line"
(July 14, 2003)
- Robert Browning Got it Wrong
(July 28, 2003)
- Lead Us Into Temptation - Please?
(August 11, 2003)
- The Days are Just Packed!
(August 25, 2003)
- The Secret Life of a Pumpkin Farmer
(September 8, 2003)
- Collins' Law of Diminishing Returns
(September 22, 2003)
- Cleaner, Smarter and Wiser?
(October 6, 2003)
- Tune In, Turn On and ... Log Off?
(November 3, 2003)
- Susan
(December 2003)
- Want Ads…telling intimate stories?
(February 1, 2004)
- The more things change, the more they stay the same!
(Februaray 27, 2004)
- Is it the stuff we consume, or where we do it, that endangers our health?
(March 15, 2004)
- The Meaning of Life…if there is one!
(March 29, 2004)
- The gospel according to Mom
(April 30, 2004)
- Full Larders, Empty Larders!
(April 14, 2004)
- Detective Husband…scores big, with small find!
(March 15, 2004)
- Time for Tourist Watching On the Rock!
(May 31, 2004)
- Scribe offers Candidacy for the Good of the Rock
(June 14, 2004)
- The Information Age?
(June 30, 2004)
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